Current mood:
cooky/wackyCategory: Life
Sometimes my family has strange, disconnected conversations when we’re all hanging out together. After a few margaritas, Mason, Amanda and I were all hanging out in my bedroom… not sure how we ended up there versus the living room, which is literally just outside my door. But the conversation took a strange turn, and I, in true Michelle fashion, decided it was deserving of a blog. Because my family is weird. And I like it.
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Amanda: “Dude, sometimes he smells so bad. I don’t think he wears deodorant.”
Mason: “Like, a girl who hasn’t douched in a while?”
Amanda: “Douching is bad for vaginas. Girls shouldn’t douche.”
Michelle: “Yeah, that’s way old-fashioned. Douches eff up the pH balance of the vaginal canal, kill the good bacteria, and promote infection. It’s way bad.”
Mason: “Ew. Vaginas are gross.”
Amanda: “Mason, listen. Vaginas *are* really gross. They leak. You shouldn’t touch one until you’re married.”
Mason: “Vaginas are the ugliest sex organ ever.”
Michelle: “Va jay jays are way prettier than a non-pretty penis paired with wrinkly balls. But some penises are pretty.”
Mason: “I don’t have wrinkly balls.”
Michelle: “I don’t know what your balls look like. But you will have wrinkly balls when you’re older. It’s inevitable. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Amanda: “I hope when I have a little boy, he gets a lot of ass. I want him to have a fulfilling life.”
Mason: “You want your kid to have a lot of sex?:”
Amanda and Michelle (in unison): “Fuck yeah!”
Mason: “The guys in our family are oversexed.”
Amanda: “Y’all so downloaded porn on Gram and Pop Pop’s computer.”
Mason: “No way. Josh downloaded porn on my parents’ computer.”
Amanda: “I can’t believe they never found the porn. When you went to My Pictures, there were naked women everywhere!”
Michelle: “Then Pop Pop knew it was there. And he liked it.”
Mason: “I think he switches to porn when he plays Free Cell.”
Amanda: “Ewwwwwww.”
:: SILENCE::
Amanda: “Gram and Pop Pop would have had such a great marriage if they hadn’t had kids.”
Mason: “Um. We wouldn’t be here.”
Amanda: “Point taken. But kids make people fight.”
Michelle: “Kids fight, too. But Mason and I never fought until we moved in together. Then he slammed the door in my face and screamed, ‘fuck you!’ Then Daddy called me, and I was crying. And he was very, very upset with Mason. Apparently in Daddy’s world, boys don’t talk to girls that way.”
Amanda: “If I ever had a problem with a guy being mean to me or hitting me, I don’t think I would go to my dad. I think I’d go to Uncle Lowell first.”
Michelle: “Yeah. He wouldn’t live long enough to make it back to your dad. Especially if Mason AND Daddy found out about it.”
Mason: “We lose our moral compasses in those situations.”
Michelle: “My moral compass points south. Towards my va jay jay.”
::SILENCE::
Amanda: “My feet smell weird. I have Wal-Mart feet.”
Michelle: “WTF? Wal-Mart feet?”
Amanda (pulls her foot up to her nose and sniffs it: “Yeah.”
Michelle: “You think your feet stink so you smell them? Odd.” (Pulls her foot up and sniffs it.) “Mine smell like the fabric softener on my socks.”
Mason: (Tries to pull his foot up to his face, and fails terribly.) ” I can’t reach.”
Michelle: “If you did yoga with me, you would be flexible. It would make for better sex.”
Mason: “I don’t need to be flexible for sex. I’m not a girl.”
Michelle: “No flexibility? You must have awful sex.”
Amanda: “Yeah.”
::SILENCE::
Amanda: “Mason, what is your middle name? I always forget.”
::SILENCE::
Mason: “I wish they would break up.”
Amanda: “He used to be so cool. I miss him.”
Michelle: “She’s a succubus.”
Amanda: “If you peel the layers of crazy off of her, she could be a nice person.”
::SILENCE::
Amanda Joy ♥ |
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TARA!!! |
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Big Jerm
jeremy jackson
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Peace, Love & Michelle 