The Cleanse: Day 2 April 15, 2009

After finishing Day 1 of my whole-body cleanse with a less-than-stellar record, I entered into Day 2 with a little more determination. This was bolstered by the encouraging, helpful support of Liz, who manages Dr. Mulligan’s office, and a few Facebook comments from friends who’ve been in similar positions.

I started the morning with my fruit smoothie of champions, a handful of Standard Process pills (ick), and a ton of water. Had an entrainment at 11:00 a.m., and enjoyed a chat/pep talk from Liz and Dr. Mulligan afterward. Funnily enough, I wasn’t hungry at all after leaving, but I got back home and munched on some raw veggies, then had a whey protein shake with my next handful of supplements.

Now I know why people lose weight on cleanses. I didn’t want to eat any more damn vegetables. Which is a big deal for me, because I L-O-V-E fresh produce. So I just didn’t eat anything else. I drank quite a bit of water throughout the day as I was working, and did some light stretching to ease the soreness out of my muscles from Monday’s Krav Maga class. I wanted to hit another class, but frankly, just didn’t have the energy.

When I got a little twinge of hunger, I had another smoothie plus a Cocommune bar (this delicious combo of coconut and chocolate that is amazingly approved food for my cleanse) before finishing up work for the day.

Evening rolled around, and it was time for the premiere screening of Turk Pipkin’s “One Peace at a Time” at the Paramount Theater. Amy’s Ice Cream was there, offering up special concoctions created just for the premiere. And it looked delicious. Dr. Mulligan planned to join us right before the show started, and I seriously considered sneaking in a cup of silky sugary goodness before she arrived. But I didn’t. Yay me.

Side note: “One Peace at a Time” was an incredible documentary… life-changing for some, I believe. I’ll write more in a separate blog, but if you have a chance to see it, run, don’t walk.

Dinner after the show… we were all hungry. Dr. Mulligan suggested Thai Passion, around the corner from the Paramount, which sounded amazing. But when we got there, not so much. While everyone else was ordering Shrimp Panang, Chicken Pad Thai and Chicken Satay, I glowered at the only two things I could eat on the menu: Tom-Kha soup with no meat added (so basically coconut milk, cilantro and mushrooms), and a dish of sauteeed veggies, no spice, no meat, no rice. I’m not gonna lie; I was pretty much hating my life.

Getting home, I was immensely hungry but so pissed off about the cleanse itself that another smoothie/shake or handful of pills made me angry enough to go to bed without ingesting anything else. 2 days down… 19 more to go. Eff my life.

The Cleanse: Day 1 April 14, 2009

Most of my people know I like to do strange and horrific things to my body (like drinking an entire bottle of tequila or 3/4 bottle of Jack in one night, or stay up for 3 days straight because I just can’t freaking sleep, then write silly insomniac blogs to pass the time). Then, I scramble to fix said things via yoga, meditating, working out, and chiropractic. I eat healthy, delicious foods about 80% of the time… the rest of the time I spend enjoying Mexican, cheeseburgers, Beelzebun’s chili dogs and mom’s home cooking.

So, my poor chiropractor, in an effort to repair all the damage I’ve done over the past 10 years, recommended… nay, strongly suggested… that I embark on a 21-day cleanse to purify my system and rid my body of toxins. The entire cleanse system consists of a pretty decent complete protein/green food powder that I mix into smoothies 2-3 times a day, plus an arsenal of supplements that total 23 pills/day. During the 21-day period, I’m supposed to cut out meat, legumes and nuts, processed foods, anything I’m “allergic” to (peanuts, soy and yeast), dried/canned/prepackaged foods, dairy, breads and pastas. So, basically, I get fruits, veggies, lentils, quinoa and rice. Which wouldn’t be so bad… except my particular plan also encourages me to minimize the fruit I consume. WTF. I can’t live without my 6-9 servings of fresh fruit each day. Eff.

So, today was Day 1 of my 21-day adventure into food hell. My grade for the day: FAIL.

The day started off fine. A breakfast smoothie with 2 scoops of wonder powder and various fruits, 7 of my 23 pills, and 24 oz of water. A little light yoga before my first morning meeting. Another smoothie – this one with the powder plus broccoli, carrots, radishes, and cilantro. I got about 1/4 of this one down before I decided it needed salt. Spices. Something. Took 7 more pills. Ugh. Hate pills. Not happy.

By the time I finished up with my morning meetings, it was time for my chiropractic appointment. Spent about an hour there, between the actual entrainment, the SRI session, and chatting (which always takes the most time), and was starving by the time I left there at 2:30. Stopped at Whole Foods to check out the Raw Bar, and devised a delightful little lunch combo of Roasted Pepper Quinoa (A++ for this pick); Mashed Sweet Potatoes with Orange (pretty good here, too); African Green Beans (yep, fail… no beans allowed); Sauteed Summer Squash (yay me!) and a fresh coconut, from which I drank the milk like it was the nectar of the gods. Drank about 24 oz of water, too. All in all, good lunch at Whole Foods, no major snafus, and felt great afterward. Spent the rest of the afternoon working, and feeling fine.

Getting ready for Krav Maga this evening, I realized I was about to face a pretty intense workout, and should probably have some carbs. I chose a banana, remembered I should be cutting back on fruit, decided I didn’t care, and ate it anyways. Had another 24 oz of water from my trusty Camelbak bottle, and downed 5 more pills. Gross. Still hate this.

Krav Maga kicked my ass. Aside from the fact that I probably only consumed about 60% of my recommended caloric intake prior to my class, I had very little protein/carbs in my system, and frankly, was craving a damn filet mignon the entire time I was working out. I don’t know about you guys, but in Michelle World, extreme anger or exertion = need for meat. And here I was, being taught to funnel every angry thought I’ve ever had into beating the hell out of my partner, then having her do the same to me. I deserved a friggin’ steak after that.

But I was good. Sort of. I got home, and was still so amped that I took a run/jog/walk to stretch out my leg muscles and wind down a bit before my shower. Ate a bowl of whole-grain cereal to refuel. Didn’t taste anything like a filet, BTW.

Showered, threw my damp hair back into a messy bun and walked over to Nuno’s to listen to Blue Blood play some good live music, and relax a bit. I was doing fine, just chillin’ with my “water + lemon” combo until an ice cube ricocheted off my left shoulder. I looked up to see Nuno at the bar, with 2 shots. One for him. One for me. I tried saying no. I really did. It went something like this:

Me: “No, I can’t.”

Nuno: “Yes, you can.”

Me: “No, really, I can’t.”

Nuno: “Yes, you can.”

Me: “Okay, fine.”

A few minutes went by, and I suddenly recalled that I told Paul I would introduce him to the Chocolate Cake shot. Requested a round of 5 from Nuno, and participated in the drinking of the most delectable Chocolate Cake shot to every pass my lips. I then saw a Beelzebun’s hot dog being delivered to Nuno behind the bar. Eff my life. I decided I must have a Beelzebun’s chili cheese dog with jalapenos. Five minutes later, I’m back at Nuno’s, enjoying the world’s best chili dog while thinking about how badly I just ruined my cleanse. I drank water the rest of the night, but that did little to assuage my guilt.

Positive-Spin Recap: Ate a mostly raw foods, fruit and veggie diet until 9 p.m. Worked out hardcore at Krav class + running for 2 hours straight tonight. Refrained from taking painkillers for the pounding headache I developed. Drank *mostly* water at Nuno’s. I did really well until I set foot inside my favorite bar. So, you may blame me for having a total lack of willpower, but I blame Nuno and his shenanigans for tonight’s indiscretions.

Going to bed. Going to try this again tomorrow.