Most of my people know I like to do strange and horrific things to my body (like drinking an entire bottle of tequila or 3/4 bottle of Jack in one night, or stay up for 3 days straight because I just can’t freaking sleep, then write silly insomniac blogs to pass the time). Then, I scramble to fix said things via yoga, meditating, working out, and chiropractic. I eat healthy, delicious foods about 80% of the time… the rest of the time I spend enjoying Mexican, cheeseburgers, Beelzebun’s chili dogs and mom’s home cooking.
So, my poor chiropractor, in an effort to repair all the damage I’ve done over the past 10 years, recommended… nay, strongly suggested… that I embark on a 21-day cleanse to purify my system and rid my body of toxins. The entire cleanse system consists of a pretty decent complete protein/green food powder that I mix into smoothies 2-3 times a day, plus an arsenal of supplements that total 23 pills/day. During the 21-day period, I’m supposed to cut out meat, legumes and nuts, processed foods, anything I’m “allergic” to (peanuts, soy and yeast), dried/canned/prepackaged foods, dairy, breads and pastas. So, basically, I get fruits, veggies, lentils, quinoa and rice. Which wouldn’t be so bad… except my particular plan also encourages me to minimize the fruit I consume. WTF. I can’t live without my 6-9 servings of fresh fruit each day. Eff.
So, today was Day 1 of my 21-day adventure into food hell. My grade for the day: FAIL.
The day started off fine. A breakfast smoothie with 2 scoops of wonder powder and various fruits, 7 of my 23 pills, and 24 oz of water. A little light yoga before my first morning meeting. Another smoothie – this one with the powder plus broccoli, carrots, radishes, and cilantro. I got about 1/4 of this one down before I decided it needed salt. Spices. Something. Took 7 more pills. Ugh. Hate pills. Not happy.
By the time I finished up with my morning meetings, it was time for my chiropractic appointment. Spent about an hour there, between the actual entrainment, the SRI session, and chatting (which always takes the most time), and was starving by the time I left there at 2:30. Stopped at Whole Foods to check out the Raw Bar, and devised a delightful little lunch combo of Roasted Pepper Quinoa (A++ for this pick); Mashed Sweet Potatoes with Orange (pretty good here, too); African Green Beans (yep, fail… no beans allowed); Sauteed Summer Squash (yay me!) and a fresh coconut, from which I drank the milk like it was the nectar of the gods. Drank about 24 oz of water, too. All in all, good lunch at Whole Foods, no major snafus, and felt great afterward. Spent the rest of the afternoon working, and feeling fine.
Getting ready for Krav Maga this evening, I realized I was about to face a pretty intense workout, and should probably have some carbs. I chose a banana, remembered I should be cutting back on fruit, decided I didn’t care, and ate it anyways. Had another 24 oz of water from my trusty Camelbak bottle, and downed 5 more pills. Gross. Still hate this.
Krav Maga kicked my ass. Aside from the fact that I probably only consumed about 60% of my recommended caloric intake prior to my class, I had very little protein/carbs in my system, and frankly, was craving a damn filet mignon the entire time I was working out. I don’t know about you guys, but in Michelle World, extreme anger or exertion = need for meat. And here I was, being taught to funnel every angry thought I’ve ever had into beating the hell out of my partner, then having her do the same to me. I deserved a friggin’ steak after that.
But I was good. Sort of. I got home, and was still so amped that I took a run/jog/walk to stretch out my leg muscles and wind down a bit before my shower. Ate a bowl of whole-grain cereal to refuel. Didn’t taste anything like a filet, BTW.
Showered, threw my damp hair back into a messy bun and walked over to Nuno’s to listen to Blue Blood play some good live music, and relax a bit. I was doing fine, just chillin’ with my “water + lemon” combo until an ice cube ricocheted off my left shoulder. I looked up to see Nuno at the bar, with 2 shots. One for him. One for me. I tried saying no. I really did. It went something like this:
Me: “No, I can’t.”
Nuno: “Yes, you can.”
Me: “No, really, I can’t.”
Nuno: “Yes, you can.”
Me: “Okay, fine.”
A few minutes went by, and I suddenly recalled that I told Paul I would introduce him to the Chocolate Cake shot. Requested a round of 5 from Nuno, and participated in the drinking of the most delectable Chocolate Cake shot to every pass my lips. I then saw a Beelzebun’s hot dog being delivered to Nuno behind the bar. Eff my life. I decided I must have a Beelzebun’s chili cheese dog with jalapenos. Five minutes later, I’m back at Nuno’s, enjoying the world’s best chili dog while thinking about how badly I just ruined my cleanse. I drank water the rest of the night, but that did little to assuage my guilt.
Positive-Spin Recap: Ate a mostly raw foods, fruit and veggie diet until 9 p.m. Worked out hardcore at Krav class + running for 2 hours straight tonight. Refrained from taking painkillers for the pounding headache I developed. Drank *mostly* water at Nuno’s. I did really well until I set foot inside my favorite bar. So, you may blame me for having a total lack of willpower, but I blame Nuno and his shenanigans for tonight’s indiscretions.
Going to bed. Going to try this again tomorrow.
Peace, Love & Michelle 